Player Profiles
Brian Edwards
Brian started his 1st XV career shortly after the end of the Boer War and retired around the turn of the millennium. Former company chief executive, now retired, has kindly taken on the mantle of overseeing the playing committee, replacing the outgoing Andy Smith. A respected Colfeian with 100 years of 1st XV experience, Brian was wearing the No. 8 shirt (retired in his honour) before most of us (though not all, Miller) were even a twinkle in our dad’s eye. In what all acknowledge as a big season for OCs the players are grateful to have Brian on board to assist in all matters and add his experience as and where necessary.
Rupert Chitty
OCs new appointment as Head Coach replacing Ian Martin on a week-to-week management basis. Rupert is well known to many Colfeians as a former Westcombe Park player who locked horns with the more senior members of the team in years gone by. Ambitious and driven he must have wondered what he had committed to when, turning up to the first training session, he was greeted by 25 blokes practising their place kicking from around the half way line. Think he might be a secret ginger (no it’s strawberry blonde), will be the younger half of the Miller/Chitty coaching combination.
Warren Evans
A truly great Colfeian who will always be loved and revered at the Club. This year Luke Walden will again be completing the London Triathlon in aid of Warren and if you haven't already, I urge you to sponsor him – I urge you to do this because if any of you have met Lukey you will realise he needs all the motivation he can get: www.justgiving.com/lukey1
Jason Mellors
As a swashbucking, bish-bash-bosh backrow with plenty of higher league experience and an England (U-16) cap, you might think Jason's nickname ‘All Inclusive’ refers to his all round playing ability. However, Jason is better known for his ability to turn up late on a pre-arranged tour and enjoy a full hospitality package at a ‘last minute’ price. Jason will be looking to make a big impact in his first full season at OCs and, if he stays fit, should end up being one of the core members of the side.
Pete Evans
Pete is a valuable 1st XV player with good all round skills in the second row. However, Pete also seems to suffer from the OCs illness of having lots of other things he could be doing on Tuesday and Thursday nights and Saturday afternoons. This year promises to be different though and we hope to see Pete making the second row one of the most competitive positions in the 1st XV.
Steve Hughes
Hughesie stepped up to the Firsts last season with aplomb including a man of the match performance. Most likely player to play for all four sides this season meaning the Club needs to order four sets of 50 inch shorts. A great clubman and always the tour judge (or bully). Entertained all with his version of the running man on a dance floor in Portugal.
Danny Gardner
Made the number two shirt his own last year which was thoroughly deserved. Also made an official clean break against Dover which hasn't been seen by a Colfeian front row player for many a year. Loves dropping out of training drills although slightly less than his brother.
James Feeney
Never lets anyone down whichever side he plays for. In the Hughes/Walden preferred cut of shorts. Dad strength looms for River this year.
Jonny Butcher
Injury has blighted Butch's playing days for as long as I can remember, but looks pretty fit at the time of writing so fingers crossed. Not your archetypal Neanderthal prop, he admits not being able to hold back the tears to his favourite film, Turner & Hooch.
Tom Crittenden
The bow-tie wearing solicitor fills in well when called upon for 1st team action and could form the cornerstone of the Rogers' super 2s this season. Another good clubman and another who belies his 20 something years with the look and wardrobe of someone who remembers a Harold Wilson government.
James Sargent
After spending last seasons tour of Cornwall having a mecanno set fitted to his leg Sarj will be hoping for better fortunes this season. Self grooming DIY expert with penchant for tight t-shirts and studded belts loves nothing better than hitting the gym then going for a nice manly Archers and Coke.
Alberto Gava
The South African No.9 is currently on his second loan spell at Blackheath. Many at Colfes hope he will soon realise the error of his ways and return to the fold. When he does I will write something complimentary, until then, pride dictates that there will be absolutely no mention of his youthful energy and incredible talent.
Ben Hyde
Hyder was going to New Zealand to be an electrician. Now isn’t. The Southern Hemisphere’s loss is South East London’s gain. Having the tough, combative No. 9 at the Club this year is an unexpected but pleasant surprise.... hang on.... what's that?... He's gone afterall? .....ok....
Dan Jeal
One half of Old Colfeians' Spice Boy contingent. Don't let Dan's boyish good looks, ruddy cheeks and trendy knitwear fool you though; this hard running, tough tackling, skilful centre could be a first team regular for years to come. Shouldn't listen to Lukey.
Terry Allen
Impending nuptials have seen Terry knuckle down, train hard and lose weight. The new slim line, experienced and wily Allen may well end up playing the majority of his games in the Firsts despite being 2nd team captain. Equally adept at No. 9 or 10.
Herman Maritz
Herman the German (he’s South African, but that doesn’t rhyme), came on to the scene last season with a bang and proved a try scoring machine for the 1st XV, whether in the centre or the back three. If that wasn’t enough, we find out at music night that he plays a musical instrument and sings! A true Colfeian in the making and big things expected of him this year.
Andy Muldoon
Giving it one last hurrah at another club this season, so expect to see Muldoon pulling on the OC’s shirt around October time when he has realised the error of his ways. Has promised to keep organising all our social activities even though he wont be around as much this season. All round good guy whose playing talents will be sorely missed.
Gary Lewis
Mild mannered, bicycling, balding tax man by day; International playboy by night. Colfeian appearances at 9 may be limited in 09/10 given his jet setting lifestyle. Most likely to be found in the hot spots of Amsterdam or Brussels, with glamorous Bulgarian girlfriend. Has also had his buttons pushed, in a lift, by gorgeous popstar Beyonce. More like James Bond than Vickers.
David Lewis
Having recently relocated to the countryside, somewhere North of Reading, this talented utility back may make limited appearances this season. Whilst his older, playboy brother hops round Europe, David has found his niche opening the batting for Goring CC 2nd XI and riding his folding bicycle around the village pond.
John Howard
A man of few words.
Kevin Tilson
Long serving winger “Le Tils” had a stop start season last year through injury but still remains a potent threat on the wing combining ever lessening pace with an aggressive streak that is sometimes laughable. Embroiled in a midlife crisis which has seen him buy sports cars, motor bikes and go off touring the world.
Patrick Vickers
As one of the money men responsible for the recent collapse of the economy, Patrick was close to having a road to Damascus style epiphany in 2009. The good looking, ultimate fighting, talented No.9 seriously considered eschewing the Gordon Gecko lifestyle, and opting for a job in teaching. In the end however, shaping children's minds proved far less alluring than Goldman Sachs. His abandonment of youth notwithstanding, Pat will, as always, be a valuable asset to Colfes this season.
Luke Walden
I was tasked to write the front row profiles which Luke will find quite horrifying that his name was included in this batch. After scaring himself on the scales over the summer, Lukey embarked on a strict pre season weight loss programme which mainly involved Gin and Slimline tonic taking over from Guinness as his preferred tipple.Another half triathlon for Wol over the summer topped up his 'good egg' qualities. Luke's always happy to offer lifestyle advice to the younguns.
John Hubbleday
John Hubbleday or Hubbs as he is affectionately known joined last seasons tour as we were boarding our flight home. This pretty much sums up Hubbs, a man you can always rely on in the dying minutes of a close encounter (probably away somewhere like Thanet) who will turn up and give you that much needed lift. Really good at tackling.
Ben Johnson
Ben Johnson or Hogger as he is affectionately known didn't join last seasons tour due to family commitments. That aside a loyal Colfeian on the field who can always be relied upon when called up to the first team. Has Dad strength.
Charlie Clay
Hates beer, loves working out, yet to realise River Island stock shirts bigger than a small. Our resident fitness instructor is a rugby loving ball stealing no nonsense flanker, whose passtimes include actually hunting down opposition 10's, following them home and then advising them he can nail a blue WKD really quickly so they'd better watch out. Wears tights under his jeans.
Warren Evans
Wol will not be seen on the rugby field this year due to his unfortunate injury which most are all very aware of. However, I think 20 years of 1st XV rugby deserves a few lines in the player profiles.
Wol has made great progress and his infectious giggle can be heard from the sidelines these days and can offer any of the younguns advice on how to behave on the Cornwall Cup weekend
Peter Burton
The OCRFCTC Finance Director actually retired from rugby in 2008, but a year on the sidelines has renewed his enthusiasm for a season on the physio table so is once again putting his paper thin skin on the line for the good of Old Colfeians. Unlikely to be seen running with ball in hand, but very likely to be seen at the bottom of a ruck getting crushed by some young 'un considerably fitter than him. Has been known to blink.
Alan Bateson
The most Northern man in the history of the UK has consistently been our most destructive player since joining the club a couple of seasons ago. He managed to cut down on the back chat last season although it doesn't really matter as any ref outside of Yorkshire can't understand a word he says. Unfortunately for Nick Evans, Alan's look of a vet isn't matched by his birth certificate and he is still amazingly in his mid 20s.
Andy Howard
Finally back from University and eager to throw himself back into regular 1st XV action. Classy operator at 15 with pace, power and a big boot, will be integral to the clubs success this season. Off the field remains the silent steady type who likes to co-ordinate his dress with his brother and cousins.
Sam Pemberton Hill
The second Colfeian Spice Boy. Sam PH is a young, powerful player on and off the pitch. A ladies favourite with the looks of a gigolo, Sam will be looking to continue where he left off last season, with regular first team appearances in the centre and back 3. Surely can't be related to Adam Hodgkiss.
Pete Evans
Pete lumbered onto the OC's scene last year and proved to be a real Colfeian - loves o'neils, loves a beer, indifferent about training yet still often manages to put it together on a Saturday unless he has got a dissertation to hand in of course...
John McCormick Houston
Johnnie Mug enjoyed his first tour with OCs last season ensuring the Under 20s were well represented. Not only did he lead the 1st team to a 100% win record in Portugal he's also a bit of a dish. Yet to know his limits and doesn't understand tour rules.
Pete Cheek
Cheeky's sheer determination to win even arguments with himself means this mans intense commitment can often be misunderstood. Nonetheless a real winner, does a lot of work with the kids, and willing to play anywhere skipper asks. On the face of it – a good lad.
Simon Gent
Genty got married at the end of last season, or at least we think he did its just he never told anyone. A player most likely tipped to be the seasons player of the year but invariably has to miss large chunks of it with a bruised thumb and / or missing stud from his ankle boots. Quite good at catching.
Adam Hodgkiss
Does a hell of a lot for the club, is a great kitty man, is really good at fixing things and is a pretty decent prop. He is not concerned about the swine flu pandemic as he is incapable of catching anything. The birth of son number 2 last year not only gave our vice captain double dad strength, but it also means Haggis can continue his personal development with counting, colouring in and putting shapes in the right shaped holes in a box.
James Poole
Young Pooley could make the 10 jersey his for years to come. Vision, good hands, and a strong boot coupled with an insistence on not drinking with his older team mates, may well see Pooley last the distance.
Sammy Boulton
Family commitments limited his appearances last season, and I think I'm correct in thinking he is officially a vet this year. Great at mental arithmetic and writes a cracking quiz. Incredibly strong in the tight but will blame the slightest breath of wind on a 'not straight'
Werner Hamman
Part of our South African contingent who proved a tough presence in the midfield before his ribs took a pounding and, as a result didn’t play regularly for the latter half of the season. He was missed, although not as much as his girlfriend (now wife) who proved our most vocal supporter and some eye candy for the alacadoos on the sidelines.
Andy Gardner
Gardner has taken his warm up routine for games from a 50s billboard ad and refuses to do anything before he's had at least 2 cool, calm Marlboro Lights. A truly terrible example to the kids but throws his heart and soul, and boot and language and temper and ill-discipline into everything OCs. His favourite colour is yellow and enjoys hearing referees say words that begin with either "S" and "B" and end with "in".
Matt Quilter
After about 6 years of writing Quilts' player profile, I'm not sure what else to write as he's a pretty uncomplicated bloke. He's still the first name on the team sheet every week (because Nick picks the team starting at 1), and consistently the best scrummager in this league. He sounds like John Nunn when he speaks and is one of the Colfeian heroic fire-fighters. This career means he is good at ping pong, is completely up to speed with Home & Away, and has watched every season of Petrocelli and Murder She Wrote.
Martin Davey
Those who know him need only here the word Laser and are prompted with memories of mazy runs, dazzling pace, quick hands and masterful finishing…. though unfortunately most of those skills have now deserted him. Fully fledged member of the Vets who stepped into the 1st XV breach last season and rolled back the years with some stellar performances. Officially the clubs top try scorer in each of the last 5 seasons but dont bother asking him how many he has scored cos he doesn’t really keep count
Nick Miller
Now entering the twilight of his career Miller is a member of the “one more season” gang. Still takes him ages to warm up and ever increasing years have served to make him somewhat frailer than he used to be, though he is still capable moments of brilliance such as 60m dash under the posts in Kent cup semi vs Blackheath. Likes to think of himself as a Peter Pan type character and has been dogged by rumours of hair dying, sunbed usage and sleeping in oxygen tents to retain his fast fading youth. Probably the only posh northerner you will ever meet and still OC’s premier gay icon.
Rob Seidu
The best said about last season the better. Will return to OC’s on the back of a summers rugby league and promising his wild days are behind him. Suduko (as he is affectionately known) will be a handful to any opposition team with his dangerous running and tough tackling. Claims to be tee-total though unlikely to make it through the season without going MIA at some point.
Stuart Lock
Schoolmaster, singer and ginger extraordinaire, Locky used to be a fearsome centre. Unfortunately none of us have seen him play rugby for about three years so can’t possibly comment on that these days. A fixture on tours and any event that requires his particular brand of Welsh warbling. Younger members probably think he is merely paid entertainment and have no idea of his former glories. Hopefully we will see him try and squeeze his slightly more cuddly body in an OCs shirt this season, though we understand he is busy making sure posh kids don’t play soggy biscuit five feet from where he sleeps
Alex Wicks
Our former leader is one of the many Colfeians tying the knot this season, though Wicksy rather sensibly managed to organise his for a match weekend. Spent large chunks of last season injured but is raring to go this season. Pacy, big hitting centre whose only weakness seems to be inability to support his own body weight on crumbling ankles.
Tekkin Ashik
Debut season in the seniors saw Tekkin storm to the 2nd XV player of the season award as well as making some notable 1st XV appearances. A second row/prop with a love of hair straighteners and tight clothing, Tekkin delighted many a Colfeian by bringing his young lady friend down to the Club at every available opportunity. Drives a car with a big exhaust and LEDs all over it; local constabulary are particularly keen on the ‘you can’t beat what you can’t catch’ moniker on the number plate.
Jamie Burkett
The return of Jamie to OC’s action is likely to counter the disappointment of legions of female fans at the prospect of Gavin Henson hanging up his boots. Newly appointed sex symbol Jamie likes nothing more than laying on a sunbed, shaving his body hair, filling his nails or blow drying his lid and or preferably each consecutively. A line cutting centre with defence like a stone wall, expect to see him pushing very hard to make a starting XV shirt his own this year.
Danny Hughes
Another Northern member of the squad who helps to bring a bit of Emmerdale to the OCs. Danny is a backrow player who is also happy to play in the second row and, as a consistent and committed trainer and player, is a valuable member of the 1st XV squad.
Matthew Townsend
Marriage and Fatherhood see many a man crumble under the weight of responsibility and pressure. Towner however, thrives on pressure and responsibility. He still has "it", whatever "it" may be, and isn't afraid to tell you so. On and off the pitch Towner will be instrumental in any Colfeian success this year. The best bicycle, spaghetti jouster I know.
Ollie Chapman
The resident, mercurial 10. May not be as quick, slim, hairy or funny as he once was but he still has a lot to offer Old Colfeians this year. 15 years (and stone) since his debut, Ollie will continue to be a key player in the midfield in 2009/2010
Eddie Livett
Dedicated Colfeian who travels back from Exeter to play rugby almost every week. Can operate on the wing or at full back with equal distinction. Famed for his love of boating regalia and a permatan which makes him a heart throb with the ladies and the envy of all OC’s.