Player Profiles
Brian Edwards
Brian started his 1st XV career shortly after the end of the Boer War and retired around the turn of the millennium. Former company chief executive, now retired, has kindly taken on the mantle of overseeing the playing committee, replacing the outgoing Andy Smith. A respected Colfeian with 100 years of 1st XV experience, Brian was wearing the No. 8 shirt (retired in his honour) before most of us (though not all, Miller) were even a twinkle in our dad’s eye. In what all acknowledge as a big season for OCs the players are grateful to have Brian on board to assist in all matters and add his experience as and where necessary.
Rupert Chitty
OCs new appointment as Head Coach replacing Ian Martin on a week-to-week management basis. Rupert is well known to many Colfeians as a former Westcombe Park player who locked horns with the more senior members of the team in years gone by. Ambitious and driven he must have wondered what he had committed to when, turning up to the first training session, he was greeted by 25 blokes practising their place kicking from around the half way line. Think he might be a secret ginger (no it’s strawberry blonde), will be the younger half of the Miller/Chitty coaching combination.
Warren Evans
A truly great Colfeian who will always be loved and revered at the Club. This year Luke Walden will again be completing the London Triathlon in aid of Warren and if you haven't already, I urge you to sponsor him – I urge you to do this because if any of you have met Lukey you will realise he needs all the motivation he can get: www.justgiving.com/lukey1
Jason Mellors
As a swashbucking, bish-bash-bosh backrow with plenty of higher league experience and an England (U-16) cap, you might think Jason's nickname ‘All Inclusive’ refers to his all round playing ability. However, Jason is better known for his ability to turn up late on a pre-arranged tour and enjoy a full hospitality package at a ‘last minute’ price. Jason will be looking to make a big impact in his first full season at OCs and, if he stays fit, should end up being one of the core members of the side.
Pete Evans
Pete is a valuable 1st XV player with good all round skills in the second row. However, Pete also seems to suffer from the OCs illness of having lots of other things he could be doing on Tuesday and Thursday nights and Saturday afternoons. This year promises to be different though and we hope to see Pete making the second row one of the most competitive positions in the 1st XV.
Steve Hughes
Hughesie stepped up to the Firsts last season with aplomb including a man of the match performance. Most likely player to play for all four sides this season meaning the Club needs to order four sets of 50 inch shorts. A great clubman and always the tour judge (or bully). Entertained all with his version of the running man on a dance floor in Portugal.
Danny Gardner
Made the number two shirt his own last year which was thoroughly deserved. Also made an official clean break against Dover which hasn't been seen by a Colfeian front row player for many a year. Loves dropping out of training drills although slightly less than his brother.
James Feeney
Never lets anyone down whichever side he plays for. In the Hughes/Walden preferred cut of shorts. Dad strength looms for River this year.
Jonny Butcher
Injury has blighted Butch's playing days for as long as I can remember, but looks pretty fit at the time of writing so fingers crossed. Not your archetypal Neanderthal prop, he admits not being able to hold back the tears to his favourite film, Turner & Hooch.
Tom Crittenden
The bow-tie wearing solicitor fills in well when called upon for 1st team action and could form the cornerstone of the Rogers' super 2s this season. Another good clubman and another who belies his 20 something years with the look and wardrobe of someone who remembers a Harold Wilson government.
Gav Hurley
Still a player with so much to give. He could be fast, who knows, no one has ever seen him sprint flat out. Still able to score length of the field tries at nothing more than a canter. Unfortunately for the opposition he normally tackles an old boy in his late 40s so hard it makes the crowd wince and reach for the local undertaker. Also arrives in match day kit, but 1 minute after Bobo.
Pete Anson
Generally just player X on the team sheet as this stops him being selected for the Stiffs. The fastest player on our team. Due to premature aging though, he suffers from a weak hamstring and the lad is now very delicate. He will probably be playing a lot of 3s this year. But just like Johnny D and Matt I expect him to feature just long enough to receive his free kit.
James Sargent
After spending last seasons tour of Cornwall having a mecanno set fitted to his leg Sarj will be hoping for better fortunes this season. Self grooming DIY expert with penchant for tight t-shirts and studded belts loves nothing better than hitting the gym then going for a nice manly Archers and Coke.
Alberto Gava
The South African No.9 is currently on his second loan spell at Blackheath. Many at Colfes hope he will soon realise the error of his ways and return to the fold. When he does I will write something complimentary, until then, pride dictates that there will be absolutely no mention of his youthful energy and incredible talent.
Ben Hyde
Hyder was going to New Zealand to be an electrician. Now isn’t. The Southern Hemisphere’s loss is South East London’s gain. Having the tough, combative No. 9 at the Club this year is an unexpected but pleasant surprise.... hang on.... what's that?... He's gone afterall? .....ok....
Dan Jeal
One half of Old Colfeians' Spice Boy contingent. Don't let Dan's boyish good looks, ruddy cheeks and trendy knitwear fool you though; this hard running, tough tackling, skilful centre could be a first team regular for years to come. Shouldn't listen to Lukey.
Terry Allen
Impending nuptials have seen Terry knuckle down, train hard and lose weight. The new slim line, experienced and wily Allen may well end up playing the majority of his games in the Firsts despite being 2nd team captain. Equally adept at No. 9 or 10.
Herman Maritz
Herman the German (he’s South African, but that doesn’t rhyme), came on to the scene last season with a bang and proved a try scoring machine for the 1st XV, whether in the centre or the back three. If that wasn’t enough, we find out at music night that he plays a musical instrument and sings! A true Colfeian in the making and big things expected of him this year.
Bill Blythe
Relatively new to rugby. So it is natural when you take the game up in your 30s you specialise in the front row. Got the skipper out of a hole last season by buying the after match polos after we took delivery of the shirts for the Under 10s. Talks a lot of rubbish when very drunk.
Tom "Steffi" Burkett
Position: Second Row/Back Row
Fave TV Channel: The Wrestling Channel
Steffi's outings in the Vets could be limited this season as we try to make him play up the club. He has been under the wings of the Vets since he was 17 and has developed into a fine rounded human being in his stay with us. Always looking to get naked his penis puppetry always impresses the ladies. A loyal member of the squad, and the club, Steffi travels from Barcelona every other weekend to play. Bought his lovely girlfriend a cat to put off kid talk, guys this works believe me!!
Voted man most likely to get naked at any time on request!
Ian "Ming" Camp
Nigels fitness guru. Always looks mean with those tattoos, shaved head and a fearsome grimace. A seasoned cage fighter. Awesome, he never stops coming forward until the death. That said, one bloke just kicked him in the leg a few times and took him out. Another one who should think rugby is the better option.
Matt Bundock
Ahhh, Keiths little boy. Except Keiths Little Boy is really big and really strong. The type of player that is always on the other team, except this one plays for us. Appearances may be limited this season as he is taking over the 3s. You cant cheat age though.
Colin Garland
Yet another great from the recent Colfeian past. Still keen on playing up the club but he is old now and had it. Has always been superb in the line out and due to his clumsiness round the breakdown generally treads on the opposition as well as his own players. Never understood what he is said as he is yet to remove his gum shield.
Sam Jeffries
Going out with Bottys daughter. Very young and very fast. Should really be playing higher up the club but he has no interest. We are struggling to understand his fashion sense. May not return next year as he has taken up some form of mixed martial arts cage fighting. He is only a little bloke though so after a couple of hidings I am sure he will realise rugby is a much better laugh.
Simon "Sonny" Page
Position: Prop
Fave TV Channel: The Wrestling Channel
Sonny took a year off fallow last season and is rumoured to be making a come back when the temperature drops and the pitches soften. Trained by monks from an early age Sonny's stamina and talents are legendary. Unfortunatley these are in the bar pre and post game. Sonny has been known to drink before he gets to the bar to get round our 4 pints only limit.
Voted man most likely to have had not enough to drink.
Nigel Marchant
A true team player, whether front row, back row, replacement or even playing for the oppo always gives 100%. Wears a chino very well, also the only bloke down the club to fall for the Black Tie only joke at the Club Supper this year.
Neil Baker
Or Andy Bakers brother as he was actually christened. Still the best at moaning and criticising the opposition that I have ever played with. For once did not single handedly cause a Colfeian loss this season. Still held together with electrical tape and elasticated bandage. Will have to go a long way this season to better his best career moment of crawling around on all 4s after a ball in the 22.
Graham Bevan
A good full back that can score tries. Currently holds the club record for the most dropped high balls in one match, 27. Sometimes wears a funny scrum cap which makes him look like a WW2 pilot. Boothys partner in crime and as a result they have a dinner party every Saturday.
Bill "Avalanche" Sargent
Let us start with the Current Player of the Year. Scores lots of tries for a prop. This may be due to his amazing hands, pace and ability, but it is probably more due to the fact that when the scrum is over he just goes and stands on the wing.
Danny Sargent
He might do it with a smile on his face these days, but on the rugby field he is still an orrible b#stard. Scores as many tries as his brother, but from the base of the scrum. Probably our best kicker straight to the opposition. Has taken on a coaching role at Darts so may not be around as much this season. Still drinks about 4 bottles of beer before a game.
Dave Nunn
Position: Hooker/Back Row
Fave TV Channel: The Wrestling Channel
We seem to have an awful lot of this hooker/back row mix but one more won't hurt. Dave has been out of action for a while but we welcome him into the Vets with open arms. Could definatley been a contender had he not tried to tackle cars in his youth. Deadly tackler as long as they run straight at him. Has yet to develop his Dad's and brothers talents at the bar but there is plenty of time.
Voted man most un likley to say "may dad's getting these in"
Tom Turner
Another man that goes under a pseudonym. Real Name Ian has been a great returnee to the club. Another one lost to love and Sidcup RFC (boo). Sidcup found him out, and like many other firemen his relationship went tits up too. He has found solace once more with his old school friends. Still incredibly fit and very tough. We should see more of him this season.
Brian Edwards
Brian retired before player profiles were even invented so why has he got one here? The man who had his number 8 jersey retired by the club has been happy to referee over the last few seasons, but following a throw away comment to the skipper at the club supper he found himself selected for an over 40s tournament. Could it be the carrot to get him out of retirement……………?
Robert "Bobo" Whichello
Bobo, he is a player that needs gently coaxing to play. Can only play at certain times, as he shares his kit with his boys. One of the more well off members of the side which makes it so unfair that he doesnt have to pay VAT on his clothes and shoes. Arrives fully dressed in match day kit, just 2 minutes before kick off.
Paul Louden
There is nothing we do not know about this man (unless we read it in an email). Only one appearance last year but he is still a class act. Never changed nor aged. Nearly played with Brian Edwards in the over 40s tournament but rumour was that he was injured due to dropping a champagne bottle on his toe in Marbella . It is the type of injury he would have.
Pete Friend
If he was a Pirate he would have been called BlueBall. Rumoured to be retiring this season. Apparently it looks unprofessional on Monday morning in a meeting with a black eye and stitches. Straightest lineout thrower at the club. Just like the Terminator he will be back.
Nigel "JellyFish" Glaister
Portugals top property magnate. It has been a couple of years now since Nigel played but he is still one of the main reasons why the Vets are the best turned out team down the club year after year. We owe him two thanks, one for the kit and one for keeping Gary Fenner away from the rugby field selling his hair products.
Neil "Boothy" Booth
Our Mr Reliable and he has certainly not earned that title by never missing a kick! Always plays and even if injured will nip back home and get his kit if we are short. Owner of some of the shortest legs down the club but he is still pretty quick. I expect we will persevere with him at scrum half even though he cant pass. He can sell carpet though, so call him for all your office needs.
Russell Searle
Will be competing for the 15 jersey this season. Another tall player with a deceptive stride. Originally just helped the skipper out when he was short, but he played the first game of the season and the last, so all we have got to work on is the middle 17!
John "JK" Kingshot
Position: Full back
Fave TV Channel: The Wrestling Channel
JK found lve over the summer and I hope it has not interfered with his normal stringent training regime. Has a kick on him like a mule, but like a mule has little sense of direction with the kicks. Dependable in attack and defense JK is almost perfect and he always has to listen out for the call from the centres "yours JK"
Voted man most likely to get married this year
John "Pottsie" Potts
Now our token Scot. Suffered a horrendous tree felling injury last summer when pruning a tree, which put him out for nearly the whole season. I assumed it was a chain saw accident or something but it turned out to be an allergic reaction to manual labour. Now a family man, so no more arriving smelling of drink and this year he even pulled his socks up.
Jimmy Kirkham
Re-discovering the joys of rugby after years away. Totally committed which is why he has suffered some of the worst injuries known to man. A fearsome tackler, so fearsome in fact he once fell over so hard that he screamed out “Mummy”, before being whisked off in an ambulance. Some say fearsome, others say pathetic.
James "Skippy" Watson
Position: Second Row
Fave TV Channel: The Wrestling Channel
Skippy came to us two seasons ago and made an immediate impact, we all took the piss. For some strange reason he claims to be australian, but I think he was born in Scunthorpe. He is another of our "we can't lift you" second rows but tries hard.
Voted man most likely to be sharing a room with H where ever we go!!
James "Griff" Griffiths
Unfortunately still stored in the 2nd row section. Despite his glittering displays at full back or on the flank I can confirm he is still a 2nd row. Struggles juggling work, the back of an eighty year old and living on the other side of town which limits his appearances. Good thing about Griff though, is if he is available you can always persuade him to play.
Geoff "Rammo" Rameux
A very big man, but with tiny feet. Still drives back from Holland every weekend to play (he says it is to see his family). Nick says he is only allowed to play as he washes the kit every week. There are never any rashes, or itches either so he must use a good quality powder for our aging sensitive skin.
Dai Andrew
Lives in Jersey , so his appearances are now limited. Fully recovered after his heart attack and now back to doing all the bad things. Possibly the shortest appearance by anyone last season. Pulled a hamstring running on as a replacement and was forced to go straight off again. Still has an infectious giggle like a small child.
John Davidson
Another one whose appearances may be limited this season as he is taking over joint custody of the 3s. Still young enough and keen enough to celebrate every try he scores. Mind you that might be because he has only scored 10 in the last 20 years.
Dirk Froese
Another team player and one of the first names on the team sheet (if picked alphabetically). Plays 2nd row, back row or anywhere in the backs where the skipper picks him. Ultimately will never be a good player as he cannot run, he can only Skip. Will be looking to improve on his 23 tries last term.
Tim "Dr Tim" Bell
The doctor is our resident on pitch medic, and believe me we often need one. A perfect foil in the 2nd row and even better when he can keep his behind in his shorts. Another season, so another polo shirt and set of kit. How he remembers medicine names beats me as he cannot remember which colour we play in from one week to the next.
Martin "Twinkle Toes" Davey
The clubs top scorer again last season with 28 tries, taking his career tally to over 700 scores. Amazingly, still in a 42 inch short. Tackle free last season. A club man who will desert the Vets at the drop of a hat to go and play first team in all their really hard away games just to get another lot of free kit. Will be trying hard to win back his Player of the Year tankard.
Robert "Bernie" Moore
One of the elder statesmen. Rare opportunities to perform last season mainly due to any ailment or injury which could be found in a medical dictionary. Still a proven try scorer and on his day still has one of the best sidesteps in the club, except now it looks more like an arthritic hip giving way than intentional.
John "Botty" Bott
The one who looks like he lives in California . Even on a cold December Saturday Botty, looks resplendent in tight short shorts and perma tan. Takes longer to heal between matches these days but never the less, still commanding the line out, well into his 50s.
Keith Bundock
Our pipe smoker has now gone full circle. He remembers when they first bought tobacco to these shores, and now over 400 years later it has been banned everywhere. Rumoured to still be getting his breath back after Bill Sargents late appearance at WP last season saw him nearly collapse when he was made to prop a whole game against a 20 year old.
Martyn Fenner
Modelling himself these days on Clyde from the “Every which Way Movies”. Following his nasty leg eating disease, has fallen back in love with the game. A real old school Colfeian who has never been happier than when snorting Pernod or pouring vodka in his eye or something.
Robin "Braveheart" Adam
Position: Anywhere in the pack bar hooker
Fave TV Channel: The Wrestling Channel
Having left the highlands many years ago braveheart forgot to leave his accent behind as well. With our only other Scottish players leaving we have no one to translate so Pottsie has been drafted in. Said to resemble a major american TV star, Homer Simpson.
Voted man most likely to order a rusty nail
Henry "The Big H" Burgess
“H” I would say, would be the preferred choice in the influential 12 jersey. Short, stocky and relatively quick. One of the best tacklers in the side and at least once a year will surprise you with a long range score. Now the Sainsburys gravy rain is over I am expecting a lifestyle change, a mass weight loss programme and healthy eating. Alternatively he will still be at Twickenham every England game getting as p#ssed and as fat as he can.
Nick Evans
Il Capitano. The fixer, the man with the largest list of available players in the world of rugby. Still always threatening to retire so here we have “Just one more season”. Made an unprecedented 8 full clean breaks last season so he will be looking for double figures this year. Makes only marginally more tackles than the Ex Player of the Year.
Dave "LD" Sanderson
LD as we all know and love him struggled with nasty injuries last year, such as big long hair and falling off the train drunk. Always launching some digital radio station somewhere or other that then closes down soon after. Will be grateful of the vertical stripes this season.
Andy Muldoon
Giving it one last hurrah at another club this season, so expect to see Muldoon pulling on the OC’s shirt around October time when he has realised the error of his ways. Has promised to keep organising all our social activities even though he wont be around as much this season. All round good guy whose playing talents will be sorely missed.
Gary Lewis
Mild mannered, bicycling, balding tax man by day; International playboy by night. Colfeian appearances at 9 may be limited in 09/10 given his jet setting lifestyle. Most likely to be found in the hot spots of Amsterdam or Brussels, with glamorous Bulgarian girlfriend. Has also had his buttons pushed, in a lift, by gorgeous popstar Beyonce. More like James Bond than Vickers.
David Lewis
Having recently relocated to the countryside, somewhere North of Reading, this talented utility back may make limited appearances this season. Whilst his older, playboy brother hops round Europe, David has found his niche opening the batting for Goring CC 2nd XI and riding his folding bicycle around the village pond.
John Howard
A man of few words.
Kevin Tilson
Long serving winger “Le Tils” had a stop start season last year through injury but still remains a potent threat on the wing combining ever lessening pace with an aggressive streak that is sometimes laughable. Embroiled in a midlife crisis which has seen him buy sports cars, motor bikes and go off touring the world.
Patrick Vickers
As one of the money men responsible for the recent collapse of the economy, Patrick was close to having a road to Damascus style epiphany in 2009. The good looking, ultimate fighting, talented No.9 seriously considered eschewing the Gordon Gecko lifestyle, and opting for a job in teaching. In the end however, shaping children's minds proved far less alluring than Goldman Sachs. His abandonment of youth notwithstanding, Pat will, as always, be a valuable asset to Colfes this season.
Luke Walden
I was tasked to write the front row profiles which Luke will find quite horrifying that his name was included in this batch. After scaring himself on the scales over the summer, Lukey embarked on a strict pre season weight loss programme which mainly involved Gin and Slimline tonic taking over from Guinness as his preferred tipple.Another half triathlon for Wol over the summer topped up his 'good egg' qualities. Luke's always happy to offer lifestyle advice to the younguns.
John Hubbleday
John Hubbleday or Hubbs as he is affectionately known joined last seasons tour as we were boarding our flight home. This pretty much sums up Hubbs, a man you can always rely on in the dying minutes of a close encounter (probably away somewhere like Thanet) who will turn up and give you that much needed lift. Really good at tackling.
Ben Johnson
Ben Johnson or Hogger as he is affectionately known didn't join last seasons tour due to family commitments. That aside a loyal Colfeian on the field who can always be relied upon when called up to the first team. Has Dad strength.
Charlie Clay
Hates beer, loves working out, yet to realise River Island stock shirts bigger than a small. Our resident fitness instructor is a rugby loving ball stealing no nonsense flanker, whose passtimes include actually hunting down opposition 10's, following them home and then advising them he can nail a blue WKD really quickly so they'd better watch out. Wears tights under his jeans.
Warren Evans
Wol will not be seen on the rugby field this year due to his unfortunate injury which most are all very aware of. However, I think 20 years of 1st XV rugby deserves a few lines in the player profiles.
Wol has made great progress and his infectious giggle can be heard from the sidelines these days and can offer any of the younguns advice on how to behave on the Cornwall Cup weekend
Peter Burton
The OCRFCTC Finance Director actually retired from rugby in 2008, but a year on the sidelines has renewed his enthusiasm for a season on the physio table so is once again putting his paper thin skin on the line for the good of Old Colfeians. Unlikely to be seen running with ball in hand, but very likely to be seen at the bottom of a ruck getting crushed by some young 'un considerably fitter than him. Has been known to blink.
Alan Bateson
The most Northern man in the history of the UK has consistently been our most destructive player since joining the club a couple of seasons ago. He managed to cut down on the back chat last season although it doesn't really matter as any ref outside of Yorkshire can't understand a word he says. Unfortunately for Nick Evans, Alan's look of a vet isn't matched by his birth certificate and he is still amazingly in his mid 20s.
Andy Howard
Finally back from University and eager to throw himself back into regular 1st XV action. Classy operator at 15 with pace, power and a big boot, will be integral to the clubs success this season. Off the field remains the silent steady type who likes to co-ordinate his dress with his brother and cousins.
Sam Pemberton Hill
The second Colfeian Spice Boy. Sam PH is a young, powerful player on and off the pitch. A ladies favourite with the looks of a gigolo, Sam will be looking to continue where he left off last season, with regular first team appearances in the centre and back 3. Surely can't be related to Adam Hodgkiss.
Pete Evans
Pete lumbered onto the OC's scene last year and proved to be a real Colfeian - loves o'neils, loves a beer, indifferent about training yet still often manages to put it together on a Saturday unless he has got a dissertation to hand in of course...
John McCormick Houston
Johnnie Mug enjoyed his first tour with OCs last season ensuring the Under 20s were well represented. Not only did he lead the 1st team to a 100% win record in Portugal he's also a bit of a dish. Yet to know his limits and doesn't understand tour rules.
Pete Cheek
Cheeky's sheer determination to win even arguments with himself means this mans intense commitment can often be misunderstood. Nonetheless a real winner, does a lot of work with the kids, and willing to play anywhere skipper asks. On the face of it – a good lad.
Simon Gent
Genty got married at the end of last season, or at least we think he did its just he never told anyone. A player most likely tipped to be the seasons player of the year but invariably has to miss large chunks of it with a bruised thumb and / or missing stud from his ankle boots. Quite good at catching.
Adam Hodgkiss
Does a hell of a lot for the club, is a great kitty man, is really good at fixing things and is a pretty decent prop. He is not concerned about the swine flu pandemic as he is incapable of catching anything. The birth of son number 2 last year not only gave our vice captain double dad strength, but it also means Haggis can continue his personal development with counting, colouring in and putting shapes in the right shaped holes in a box.
James Poole
Young Pooley could make the 10 jersey his for years to come. Vision, good hands, and a strong boot coupled with an insistence on not drinking with his older team mates, may well see Pooley last the distance.
Sammy Boulton
Family commitments limited his appearances last season, and I think I'm correct in thinking he is officially a vet this year. Great at mental arithmetic and writes a cracking quiz. Incredibly strong in the tight but will blame the slightest breath of wind on a 'not straight'
Werner Hamman
Part of our South African contingent who proved a tough presence in the midfield before his ribs took a pounding and, as a result didn’t play regularly for the latter half of the season. He was missed, although not as much as his girlfriend (now wife) who proved our most vocal supporter and some eye candy for the alacadoos on the sidelines.
Andy Gardner
Gardner has taken his warm up routine for games from a 50s billboard ad and refuses to do anything before he's had at least 2 cool, calm Marlboro Lights. A truly terrible example to the kids but throws his heart and soul, and boot and language and temper and ill-discipline into everything OCs. His favourite colour is yellow and enjoys hearing referees say words that begin with either "S" and "B" and end with "in".
Matt Quilter
After about 6 years of writing Quilts' player profile, I'm not sure what else to write as he's a pretty uncomplicated bloke. He's still the first name on the team sheet every week (because Nick picks the team starting at 1), and consistently the best scrummager in this league. He sounds like John Nunn when he speaks and is one of the Colfeian heroic fire-fighters. This career means he is good at ping pong, is completely up to speed with Home & Away, and has watched every season of Petrocelli and Murder She Wrote.
Martin Davey
Those who know him need only here the word Laser and are prompted with memories of mazy runs, dazzling pace, quick hands and masterful finishing…. though unfortunately most of those skills have now deserted him. Fully fledged member of the Vets who stepped into the 1st XV breach last season and rolled back the years with some stellar performances. Officially the clubs top try scorer in each of the last 5 seasons but dont bother asking him how many he has scored cos he doesn’t really keep count
Nick Miller
Now entering the twilight of his career Miller is a member of the “one more season” gang. Still takes him ages to warm up and ever increasing years have served to make him somewhat frailer than he used to be, though he is still capable moments of brilliance such as 60m dash under the posts in Kent cup semi vs Blackheath. Likes to think of himself as a Peter Pan type character and has been dogged by rumours of hair dying, sunbed usage and sleeping in oxygen tents to retain his fast fading youth. Probably the only posh northerner you will ever meet and still OC’s premier gay icon.
Rob Seidu
The best said about last season the better. Will return to OC’s on the back of a summers rugby league and promising his wild days are behind him. Suduko (as he is affectionately known) will be a handful to any opposition team with his dangerous running and tough tackling. Claims to be tee-total though unlikely to make it through the season without going MIA at some point.
Stuart Lock
Schoolmaster, singer and ginger extraordinaire, Locky used to be a fearsome centre. Unfortunately none of us have seen him play rugby for about three years so can’t possibly comment on that these days. A fixture on tours and any event that requires his particular brand of Welsh warbling. Younger members probably think he is merely paid entertainment and have no idea of his former glories. Hopefully we will see him try and squeeze his slightly more cuddly body in an OCs shirt this season, though we understand he is busy making sure posh kids don’t play soggy biscuit five feet from where he sleeps
Alex Wicks
Our former leader is one of the many Colfeians tying the knot this season, though Wicksy rather sensibly managed to organise his for a match weekend. Spent large chunks of last season injured but is raring to go this season. Pacy, big hitting centre whose only weakness seems to be inability to support his own body weight on crumbling ankles.
Tekkin Ashik
Debut season in the seniors saw Tekkin storm to the 2nd XV player of the season award as well as making some notable 1st XV appearances. A second row/prop with a love of hair straighteners and tight clothing, Tekkin delighted many a Colfeian by bringing his young lady friend down to the Club at every available opportunity. Drives a car with a big exhaust and LEDs all over it; local constabulary are particularly keen on the ‘you can’t beat what you can’t catch’ moniker on the number plate.
Jamie Burkett
The return of Jamie to OC’s action is likely to counter the disappointment of legions of female fans at the prospect of Gavin Henson hanging up his boots. Newly appointed sex symbol Jamie likes nothing more than laying on a sunbed, shaving his body hair, filling his nails or blow drying his lid and or preferably each consecutively. A line cutting centre with defence like a stone wall, expect to see him pushing very hard to make a starting XV shirt his own this year.
Danny Hughes
Another Northern member of the squad who helps to bring a bit of Emmerdale to the OCs. Danny is a backrow player who is also happy to play in the second row and, as a consistent and committed trainer and player, is a valuable member of the 1st XV squad.
Matthew Townsend
Marriage and Fatherhood see many a man crumble under the weight of responsibility and pressure. Towner however, thrives on pressure and responsibility. He still has "it", whatever "it" may be, and isn't afraid to tell you so. On and off the pitch Towner will be instrumental in any Colfeian success this year. The best bicycle, spaghetti jouster I know.
Ollie Chapman
The resident, mercurial 10. May not be as quick, slim, hairy or funny as he once was but he still has a lot to offer Old Colfeians this year. 15 years (and stone) since his debut, Ollie will continue to be a key player in the midfield in 2009/2010
Eddie Livett
Dedicated Colfeian who travels back from Exeter to play rugby almost every week. Can operate on the wing or at full back with equal distinction. Famed for his love of boating regalia and a permatan which makes him a heart throb with the ladies and the envy of all OC’s.