If they cared
** WARNING ** -- Very little (if anything) in this story is based on fact.
Quilter defends Autobiography

Matt Quilter tells Pappa Razzi Jnr Old Colfeians should build their team around Andy Smith , despite criticism in his book.
The flak has been flying this week, but Matt Quilter has never been one to run for cover. By breakfast yesterday he had done one television interview and was on his way to the second radio studio of the day. He has a book to sell and even before it hits the shelves 10 days early today a string of respected coaches are wagging their fingers at breaches in rugby's unwritten code - what goes on tour, stays on tour- and Horn Park is threatening gagging orders to stop other Old Colfeian players airing their views.
The book is 17 chapters long, but it is the final chapter on Old Colfeians league campaign - extracts from which were run in Sunday's papers - that is causing outrage. In a nutshell, Quilter accuses Old Colfeians head coach, Andy Smith, of going into the league with an unbalanced side after appearing to be unsure in selecting his final 18, failing to give his players any "proper" analysis ahead of the first two games - against Tabard and Tunbirdge Wells - and betraying coaching ideas held for 27 years.
Not a bad catalogue of complaints considering Quilter is an admirer who would like to see Smith continue as Colfeians head coach, not only in control of the 1stXV side, but at the centre of a structure designed and built around him: a sort of stellar figure with assistant coaches and management revolving around him like satellites in an Smith-ordained orbit.
"He's a hell of a good backs coach. He's a hell of a good attacking coach," said Quilter in his first newspaper interview since going public. "I think Clive [Corlett, the Old Colfeians secretary] and Dick [Hussey, Old Colfeians Chairman] have got to get a structure around him that OC’s can work from because I personally believe the youngsters coming through now will thoroughly benefit from the way Andy wants to coach the game: the freedom of the pitch and the way he wants to play with the width.
"Your [ Dan ] Jeals, [ James ] Pooles, [ Andy ] Muldoons and [ Rob ] Seidu’s are fantastic players that have to be given their freedom and Andy has the skill to do that. But off the pitch things needed to be handled in a different way. Whether they bring in Clive Corlett above him or whoever they bring in, Andy must really focus on the coaching, something he is very, very good at."
That's a very different picture from the one Quilter painted on Sunday. "The headlines were damning, but I think if you read the whole thing it was a well-balanced piece and if you read the book and the rest of the chapter there is 9 years of pure respect for the guy," said Quilter, although he does admit that, after playing at Old Colfeians since 1998, he should have understood the pot he was stirring.
"I did and I didn't," said Quilter. "I didn't expect it to be as negative as it was. I personally did not want it to come out in that way, but I've got to live with it and go with it. I would have no trouble if I bumped into him. It's not great from my point of view, but people have got to understand the amount of respect I have for the guy."
But had he – and Simon Gent - not breached that code of confidence by telling secrets from the Old Colfeian dressing room? "There's no written rule about it and I agree that if I wasn't doing an autobiography, it probably wouldn't have come out," said Quilter. "The problem was that I did that London 2 period as a diary, and that is how I was feeling and what I was trying to express was how low I actually was. That's how bad I felt at the time and these were the reasons.
"It was a snapshot of the day and if you read the whole chapter we go through to me feeling so pleased that Andy has turned the corner. It's 10 lines in the book, compared to 17 chapters."
Quilter's honesty is spot on though his mathematics are a little awry. He regrets at least the timing of his attack on a coach he first met at school 15 years ago and worked with during a golden period of Old Colfeian rugby. In return, Smith has admitted the style he brought to Old Colfeian's backs when Sir Ian Martin was in control amounted to making use of the freer spirits, such as Quilter and Ollie Chapman.
However, in the run-up to the league campaign, Quilters's attitude changed. "It was a little bit bizarre from where we went in the Intermediate Cup against Sidcup," said Quilter yesterday. "He made six changes and we went out and played and came away with a victory, so I knew what he could do and how he could coach. Unfortunately we weren't playing that way.
"Whether it was a selfish thing I don't know. I wanted to play a completely different game with our back three of Andy Muldoon, Nick Miller and James Sargeant plus Dan Jeal, running with ball in hand and making space, but we just tightened everything up."
Old Colfeians were, by general admission, turgid against Tabard and got thrashed by Tunbridge Wells. When Quilter was dropped he was so convinced his Old Colfeian career was over he thought about packing his bags.
Ahead lies a two-year contract with Old Colfeians - playing and coaching. So what happens if in two years' time a young player passes damning judgment on Quilter the coach?
"What I say is, at the end of the day, that's his opinion. When I get into the coaching business some people are going to think I'm rubbish, but I'll worry about it when it happens."
Landing On My Hairy Feet: My Story, by Matt Quilter, is published today by Hodder & Stoughton priced £18.99
Author: Pappa Razzi Jnr
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